I'm coming round to Phillips reasoning about basing scripts on content familiar to me. In Writing Short Scripts he argues "Most stories based on people and events that have not been part of the writer's life fail." He details that it causes problems regarding believability if, for example, a writer who has never climbed a mountain writes a script about climbing a mountain. I can see his logic, especially regarding inexperienced writers like myself, but can see this is where research becomes an invaluable asset. I realise I've set myself a big challenge being an unmarried young man writing about a couples marriage troubles, their individual infidelities, and their possible resolution, not to mention one of the female characters is an ageing prostitute and the other from a country I've never been to. Well here are the first few scenes of my script. It's now called Convenience. Though I'm not sure about that title, I couldn't keep calling it Pat when the story is not longer about her.
Naturally it gives you nervous butterflies having people judge your work but I have a quiet confidence with this story. I think there's something interesting about the characters that drives the story forward but it does need a lot of attention. After having the scenes read aloud I filled in the rest myself. The class then made several key points and suggestions;
- The female characters were clear; males not so much.
- Possible ending change. 'Green card' marriage doesn't work. Is distracting/confusing.
- Twist the lovers status. Stuart is in the wrong at the start so maybe make him the right one by the end.
- They liked how the dialogue expanded the characters visually.
- Differentiate between Eddie and Stuart; they are too similar.
- Examine what it is I want to say with my script. Make it clear.
- Do I just want to shock?
- Suggested I make Eddie and Lana the same nationality.
- They enjoyed the strong female characters
- Do I need a twist ending or would a confrontation be just as effective?
- Lana could be pregnant or trying to get pregnant?
- They have an open marriage?
All the feedback this week was helpful in gauging the clarity of my narrative and characters on an audience; I've highlighted a few points that stuck me as vital in improving my work. The marriage of convenience doesn't work, it's gone. Eddie and Stuart are too akin, even when I picture them in my head. To make their differences apparent Eddie is now from the same country as Lana (Latvia) and he is smooth, good-looking, tall, cheeky, talks the talk; while Stuart is reserved, average looking/height, masculine and doesn't talk about his feelings. Now for the hard question - What am I trying to say? I guess after analysing the story I want to say something important regarding honesty. Both Lana and Stuart do wrong things (he hires a hooker and she kisses Eddie when married) but how to resolve things? I'm edging toward concluding with the couple knowing about the other ones extramarital affairs whether that be prior to the events on screen or maybe a confessional in the last scene. I like the idea that their honesty and openness keeps them together even if the actions resulting from those points seemingly push them apart.
Brief for Week 10
Revise script