1. Research;
"Part of the storyteller's task is to keep us from getting bored; to maintain, use, and stimulate our curiosity about the story."(Cooper & Dancyger, Writing the Short Film) I think this partly comes from the original idea and partly from how the story is then told. With Pat (working title) I have a clear narrative structure that builds on the tension as the story unfolds. The married man and his hooker, the married woman flirting with a colleague, the hooker's unexpected natural death, the wife giving into temptation, the couple reunited. I like my structure but feel some details might become too much; the marriage of convenience is, for example, anti climatic. I feel I need to be less precious about my idea and let it evolve and be more malleable. In Writing Short Scripts, Phillips advises writers to experiment; "Those who remain open to possibilities, seek options, and try out many of them usually write more powerfully than those who quickly zero in on a story and stick with it," he knowingly suggests. I can recognise this within my original pitch. Like a fine wine, giving an idea room to breathe is important. When writing the first scene I turned off the light and just imagined myself as the characters in the situation, then described what I saw and heard in freehand. "In a good screenplay, both dialogue and physical action flow from a character's dramatic action (or want or need).."(Cooper & Dancyger, Writing the Short Film). I kept this in mind when writing my dialogue as it was important for me that everything feel natural. I want the audience to feel that what is unfolding before them is the truth, is reality. If I didn't feel that when working on the scene I changed it.
2. Feedback;
Here is the first scene of my script Pat. I feel, within my pitch, I've covered all three different relationships between audience & character knowledge (though honestly this was unintentional), examples below;
- A. Mystery - The audience do not know that Lana and Stuart are married.
- B. Identification - Pat is a hooker that Stuart has paid for.
- C. Suspense/Dramatic Irony - The audience knows that Lana has kissed Eddie
The feedback from the class was mixed. Again they said the characters were defined but the dialogue didn't always ring true. For example they rightly asked wouldn't an experienced prostitute get her money up front? They also suggested that Pat should die right away. They argued that because it's the inciting incident it should happen quickly rather than two scenes later. I agree with this because having her death at the end of the first scene would keep the audience guessing; what happened in the bathroom? Is she dead? What will Stuart do? They did like the 'Stuart Little' joke and some people laughed. They also enjoyed the dynamic between the two characters. I'm still playing with several ideas for the conclusion which will be decided upon by next week. I'm still trying to make the marriage of convenience work but may have to let that ship sink. Other possible outcomes are the couple rediscovering their love (aww), finally excepting that the marriage is over (sniff), domestic violence (boo) or crazy anger sex (wink, wink). I'm not going to let the class decide this one though as Crank 2 was briefly mentioned in class.... enough said!
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3. Brief for Week 9
First draft of script