Going through all the points and finalizing details this week.
Pat definably collapses because of a heart attack. The NHS states that symptoms can include chest pain (located in the centre of the chest), pain in the left arm, shortness of breathe, feeling light headed, coughing, vomiting and wheezing. Some of these I can subtly use in the scene as consequence of her excessive drinking and smoking without giving too much away. Apparently, "some women and older people do not experience any chest pain at all." (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Heart-attack/Pages/Symptoms.aspx) which allows me to have her sudden collapse ring true to an unsuspecting audience.
This is my inciting incident. The events around Pat's death shock Stuart into questioning the state of his marriage. Before the accident he is a reserved character that doesn't openly talk about his feelings; after, he is not comfortable to discuss his emotions with his wife so she has to almost guess what's wrong from the little he tells her.
McKee states in Story that a protagonist should realise a change in the equilibrium of their life because of the inciting incident. Stuart doesn't see that Pat has died until after the hospital scene introducing Lana and Eddie. The wait for the 'payoff' (as Mckee states) should not be delayed for long, however in a short script I needed time to establish my characters 'normal' behaviour so that a change can occur, hence why I cut off the scene just after Pats heart attack.
Just need to focus on the details and keep working out all those issues.
I feel I'm nearly there. Only a few more days...
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Deadline 20th Jan
Critical Analysis of original script.
Deadline 20th Jan
Critical Analysis of original script.